What To Do When Your Child Says No

It’s hard when your child refuses to do as you’ve asked. You may feel backed into a corner, powerless, and forced to threaten increasingly severe punishments to get them to do as you’ve said.

Often, it’s tempting to give up and just do it yourself. You might ask yourself if it’s worth making a fuss about. But allowing your child to ignore or refuse to do as you ask can encourage them to keep doing it in the future.

What to do if your child ignores you

First, check if your child is choosing to ignore you or they just didn’t hear or listen properly.

Turn off any distractions, like the TV and computer games, and start the instruction with their name to catch their attention.

If you’re sure your child is ignoring your instruction, you can make it clear to them they need to do what you’ve asked straight away. The phrase, “When you do this, then you can do that,” is useful.

For example:

• When you make your bed, then you can play with your toys.
• When you put your plate in the dishwasher, then you can watch TV.
• When you ask me politely, then you can have a treat to eat.

This approach can work well if your child tries to give a response like, “I’ll do it later,” or, “I’m just finishing this first.” It’s a subtle reminder that they can get the job done quickly and then do something they enjoy.

Think about why they’re refusing

There’s a reason behind every behaviour. Thinking about why your child is saying no or ignoring you can help you understand their actions. You might find a physical reason behind it because they feel tired, hungry, or thirsty.